Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
