I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize