My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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