Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
