Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
