Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
