ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Randomize
