and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
