the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
