I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
