I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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