I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize