pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize