She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Your tits are I can't wait for
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
