Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Lo siento on account of my penis...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
