I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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