I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
