I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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