that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Let's paint friendship bongs
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
