I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
