yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I won't apologize to a one balled man
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
