I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
