So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
