Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
