Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
