jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I party with great urgency now.
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