i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
