im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
