im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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