I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
