Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize