My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
