i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
