I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
