Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
