omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
