I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize