I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
