she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
