I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
