the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize