The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
