Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
