I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
