yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
