i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
