dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
