remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
