how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
