I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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