i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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