don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
