So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
