a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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