DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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