you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
