i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
3pm strippers are depressing
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize