Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize