Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
