She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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