yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
