No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize