I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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