She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
