lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
