Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
