You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
