He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize