Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
