Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
