We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
