im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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