i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
