This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
