So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
