Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
