Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
