i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
