the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
