how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
