Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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