I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
