this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
