So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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