omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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