Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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