well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
