i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
