Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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