i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just had sex on a roof
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
