I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
