she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
