I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
