don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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