Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We are all done wearing pants today
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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