I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
