sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
