I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
