At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
