I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
