jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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