There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's official drugs can't kill me
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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