Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
