I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
They are going to name an STD after you.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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