The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
