I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
