this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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