Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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