Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
